is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize