Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think i have two assholes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
