and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
