i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
