just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
