I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
