I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
