I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
