Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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