I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
