if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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