He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
