2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and she was petting her beer can
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
