my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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