i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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