I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My life is pants optional.
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