I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
