so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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