The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
