Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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