girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dicks are not precious.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
