Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will be naked everywhere
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
