You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
