dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
