This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
