I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
