I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
