At least make sure they are 18
Why
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
