Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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