I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize