The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if only i could text you this smell
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
