I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
