ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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