No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
