i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had sex on a roof
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
