4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
