No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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