I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
