I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize