you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
