Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
