my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
