please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
birth control should be required to get into college
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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