what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
