Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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