Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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