I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
