What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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