Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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