i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
