3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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