Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
