No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
