My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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