no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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