this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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