I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
