farters have to be the big spoon...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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