just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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