Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
