Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
