i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
