i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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